cog diz,
Is there a part of you that needs to feel like the caregiver, the saviour, the on who has his shit together (which in a subtle way puts you in charge and in control)?
I'm guessing yes, because you are thinking of going back with her, not out of love and enjoying her company but to "save" her from potential suicide. That need on your part can be just as co-dependent as her helplessness and until you address that need in your self to be a rescuer, you might end up in the same kind of relationship with a needy woman all over again.
Oh hell yes. Savior issues for sure, and I was definitely in charge and in control of the relationship, and her - I guess you could say that I became pretty controlling. And she played HER part in that equation. And that's why I'm so fearful for her - she has this 'I can't live without him' thing going on. I'm fearful for myself though too. Protecting her and helping her added a certain amount of meaning to my life, but at the same time it exhausted me and made me really crazy. But I feel this emptiness now.
She gets very, very attached to people and animals. Her grandfather died over 10 years ago, and she still cries about that. She still cries about this cat of hers that died a couple of years ago that was her special boy. I can't even imagine what the eventual death of her aging parents will do to her. And she was so, so completely attached to me. I can't imagine that she's anything but utterly devastated and destroyed right now - just a sobbing crying mess sitting alone in her condo. I hope she can find strength, I really do, but I'm doubtful after being with her for four years and seeing how her mind operates.
I'm not sure about the "shit together" part. I certainly don't feel that way a lot of days. Today especially! Sundays are always rough...